Sometimes, I feel like I'm constantly traveling a path I've never been ... Lately there have been so many things happening, that I've never experience before.... I feel like a pioneer of my own life, traveling the road untraveled..... if that makes any sense....
Never been the only VanLoon child in a state before,
I've never been so far from my nieces and nephews before.
I've also never been in this place spiritually before, that's a good change though.
I also realized that a dark road with weak headlights is even harder to navigate when my eyes are filled with tears, I couldn't even tell that my windshield was fogging up, that was interesting driving....
I was thinking about my brothers going to Afghanistan... its not like they haven't been deployed before.
They went to Iraq in 2005 but they both came home within months because of injuries.
And now people say it is worse in Afghanistan then Iraq.
My brothers who are so brave and (I think) happy to be serving their country will be over there in the middle of it.
I do know that God is protecting them. And I believe they will be home in no time, safe and sound.
But I can't help to think what I would possibly do with myself if something happened to them. I can't imagine them not coming home. I would miss them SO SO much. I feel so powerless. And then I began thinking that I am just their little sister.... I'm just one of many people who love them dearly. There are much more difficult positions to be in... I'm not their mother, their wife, the mother of their child or even a girlfriend... I'm just the girl that grew up with them, got teased by them, walked to school with them, shared secrets and stories with them. I was the little girl squished between them in the family Christmas picture.....
And now they are in a war, defending our country's freedom while there are retards everywhere bashing our president, his efforts, this war...
and even the troops....
MY BIG BROTHERS....
I love them so much, yet I know they have more important women in their lives who love them just as much or even more....And I think who am I to be missing them?
I only see them a couple times a year since I moved to NC....
There's just something drastically different between being up north, and being across the world driving a tank through a foreign country...
Then I think, at the same time, if I just ignore the situation, maybe it will go faster, and they will be home for Christmas.
Its like when you watch the clock at work it moves like a snail.... if you don't look at it, somehow it feels like, maybe it will actually go faster.
I guess the key is not to dwell on it, focus on my life from day to day, to day...
Besides, how many tears can I cry? Life is just hard sometimes I guess .....
No comments:
Post a Comment